Living in the Past, My First..Everything

According to my step dad I was going down the wrong path in life. My grades weren't good enough to satisfy my mom. A girl I barely talked to accused me of having a weak spirtual walk. My friends were annoyed with me for pushing back hang out dates. I cried a lot. I ran a lot. And I cut a lot.


The Saturday hangout with Alexis was great. We went to the mall. Savannah, Ashton, and me rode the Merry Go Round cheering like six year olds. Alex and Alexis chilled at Game Stop while us girls looked around in Pac Sun, bought matching belts, and tried on hooker heels in DSW. For a while I was frustrated, me and Alexis were barely spending time together. I stole his phone and quickly scrolled through the texts.. his inbox was filled with girls. Pictures..texts..ilys.. He was quick to explain, and Alex was quick to back him up. After a few minutes I was able to shrug it off. Ashton, Savannah, Alex, and me were sitting on the couch across from Alexis. He was sitting alone. He asked if I was mad at him. I shook my head, sat next to him, and leaned into him. His eyes lit up, he smiled really wide, put his arm around me, and my anger completely vanished.

We decided to go back to Savannah and Ashton's house. Once we got there Ashton, me, and Alexis decided to go on a walk. At the mall he had given me his jacket. I had it tied around my waist. As we were walking I linked my arm with his. He laughed and said he felt like he was on a leash.. I let go saying sorry very sarcastically. He grabbed my hand.
"How do you like this?"

I blushed. I didn't like it. I loved it. I loved it a lot. He was the first boy to hold my hand. We walked back to the house and sat on the sidewalk. Alexis layed down in the grass and I leaned against him, we were still holding hands. He took his thumb and gently rubbed it back and forth against the back of my hand. The way he looked at me that night..the way he talked to me that night..made me feel like a million bucks.

We decided to go on another walk, farther away, Alex and Savannah came too. During the walk he had his arm around me, he held my hand, he hugged me, he kissed my neck, he kissed my cheek, he kissed my forehead, he kissed my collarbone, he kissed the top of my head, and on the way back he even gave me a piggy back ride. We ended up going to a bridge which had a canal running under it. Savannah suggested we all jump in, butt naked. I refused.

After a few minutes reality hit me hard. This place reminded me of a canal by my dad's old house. A canal Brian, my dad, me, and Mike had fished in..a lot. I teared up and had Ashton walk with me. I told her. She walked away to give me a few minutes to recover. I was crying. This whole night I had been happy, I hadn't even thought about Mike today! I was too caught up in a guy..Mike once told me if a guy ever hurt me he'd kick his ass. I started crying even harder.

"Why's she over there by herself?"
I heard Ashton explain the story to him.
"Is she crying? Oh my God..she's crying."

He came over to me. I turned away from him. I didn't want him to see me cry. Especially not on the first hang out.. He hugged me super tight. I burried my face in his shoulder. He softly told me everything was going to be alright. He told me he really liked me. He told me would never hurt me. He kissed the top of my head. After a few minutes I was able to calm down.. I apologized a million times, and a million times he told me not to apoligize for being sad, he told me it was okay. The bridge became kind of like our special spot..even though we never went there together again.

Throughout the entire night he made comments on how gorgeous my eyes were, how beautiful my smile was, and on how much he liked me. The way he was looking and talking to me showed that he didn't care. He liked me even thought both physically and mentally I was a mess. And I liked him for his gentle, caring and so understanding, big hazel eyes.